HOW SAILING LESSONS TAUGHT ME TO HANDLE BITCHY & BALLSY PEOPLE

Bonjour Royal friends!

Welcome to my blog, a ‘tongue-in-chic’ happiness lifestyle guide from a funny princess point of view!

Today I’d like to talk to you about how to handle bitchy and ballsy people. I am always astonished how life lessons can come from metaphors, and today’s lesson is no exception. So here you have it:

Once upon a time, in the land of the Jersey Shore, I took up sailing at our family’s yacht club. A Philly girl with a crown (metaphorical, of course) and roots that run deep, I learned to navigate the waves aboard a Tiffany blue boat called a Robin—a vessel not much larger than a claw-footed bathtub, sans the claws.

Now, I must confess, I was a better sailor on paper than I was on water. And while that made for some bad hair days and a few unplanned dunks, it also imparted life lessons worth their weight in nautical gold. Allow me to share one Baroque-sized pearl of wisdom with you, darling. It is:

When the waves get choppy, don’t sail into them head-on; angle your approach.

Sailing straight into choppy waves will leave your boat bobbing like a cork, your bow buried under crashing water, and your sanity in question. Whether you go under or ride it out depends on a cocktail of factors: wave force, boat size, wind speed, sailor skill—the works.

Similarly, when you’re dealing with people who behave like tempestuous seas—be they categorically cantankerous, habitually hot-headed, or temporarily touchy—it’s best to avoid a direct confrontation. Tack at an angle, my dear.

Picture this: I once visited an ill relative in the hospital. She was understandably cranky and unimpressed by the suspicious-looking eggplant parmesan on her tray. The aide, overly concerned about her lack of appetite, kept pushing. Finally, my relative snapped: “You wanna know how the food is? It’s crap! Total crap! CRAP times two!”

Instead of firing back with, “Then starve, for all I care!” the aide burst out laughing. My relative did too and polished off her Double Crap Platter without another complaint. The lesson? If you are going to choose an angle to sail by, sometimes, laughter is the best tack.

Now, let’s say you’re on a first date with a prince charming—he’s handsome, rich, royal, and just ordered Veuve Clicquot (Yellow Label, darling!). You’re all in. Then, out of the blue, he asks, “Do you watch Fox News?” Oh no—wave alert!

It’s clear you’ve got a 50/50 chance of becoming that Double Crap Eggplant. But which 50? Ah, remember the lesson: don’t sail head-on into the wave. Instead, sidestep with, “Ha! Don’t get me started!” Then, strategically drop your fork and deflect with a pearly smile on the way up.  Or anything else you got that looks good in your cabin. 

Mastering this principle takes mental agility and a bit of finesse, but with practice, you’ll be a pro at sailing through life’s stormy seas.

Here’s to smooth sailing, my darlings! Red right return!

BISOUS ET TRA LA LA! XOXOXOX

PRINCESS DIANE VON BRAINISFRIED

x♥x♥x♥,

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Dame Diane Uniman, Aka Princess Diane von Brainisfried, is an attorney turned motivational speaker, certified positive psychology life coach and award-winning writer.  She wrote Bonjour, Breast Cancer-I’m Still Smiling…Wit, Wisdom, and Optimism for Beating the Breast Cancer Blues.