Bonjour Royal Friends!
Welcome to my tongue-in-chic happiness lifestyle blog from a princess point of view! While you’re here, don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE to my blog! You’ll help boost the algorithm so more people can get happiness, optimism & positivity in their inbox!
Today I’m excited to share my newest Tiara Tawk Tidbit, designed to make your life easier one quip at a time! Today’s Tiara Tawk Tidbit is:
“Tis easier to hold one’s tongue, than to lick up the mess when its damage is done.” This quip was inspired by one of my favorite edicts of all time, “Least said, soonest mended.”
We’ve all been there. Someone done us wrong and we feel slighted. Or pissed. A colleague at work misses a deadline…and you miss your mahjong game to pick up their slack. Your mom tells you your clothes look a little tight…while you’re wearing your husband’s UNTUCKit! Your friend doesn’t call you as much as you call her…by a 1 to 57.3 ratio. These are just a few examples that could make a princess hot under the ruff. You’d be justified to rip them a new one right? And boy, wouldn’t that feel good. But hold your Clydesdales. Blowing off steam is not always a good idea. Because steam burns. And burns take a really long time to heal. Is that the result you are really after? Is your purpose of blowing off steam to feel good in the moment? Is the purpose of your blowing off steam to “teach them a lesson?” Are these reasons enough for the damage you might cause from your momentary blow up blow out? Even a princess can’t answer these questions for you. But I beseech you to start asking them.
The purpose of this missive is to get you to think before you lacerate. To help you with anger management, even if you don’t have what you might consider anger management issues. Because we all have moments when we just want to blow up at someone. The problem is, if you care about your relationships, and I take a gander guess that you do, you could destroy them in an instant without meaning to.
I myself am not always able to hold my tongue when I feel like lashing out. But I do hold the idea of holding my tongue in the forefront of my mind as a value. As a paradigm of how I want to live in this world. My paradigm is to live as a “Royal Ambassador for Positivity in the World.” To do that, I have to work hard to think before I squeak.
I get it. Sometimes our buttons are pushed in ways that make us hotter than a poker stoking coal in a steam engine. Sometimes a person deserves a good tongue lashing. Paradigms be damned! And sometimes they may not be deserving of our ire, but we are super tired and/or stressed and it’s hard to hold back. Here’s the key: Remember your goals, which are to keep your relationships in tact and healthy. Not to do damage to your web of connections with friends/family/colleagues/strangers which you might not be able to mend. That’s often because many people have trouble with forgiveness. (I give a whole seminar on that!) And even if it’s not a forgiveness issue, they may have trouble trusting you to be someone who doesn’t bite them. Arf!
What I am professing you do is hard. Really hard. So I ask you to try for progress, not perfection. To help, I’m serving up strategies. Mind habits. Or mind mantras I like to call them. One of them is today’s Tiara Tawk Tidbit, “Tis easier to hold one’s tongue, than to lick up the mess when its damage is done.” Another mind mantra is to remember, “Don’t take it personally.” That’s because you never know what is going on in another person’s life or what their true motives are. For example, maybe your mom said your clothes looked tight out of a real concern that for your health and psyche, and not because she was trying to dig you. Another mind mantra, one of my favorites actually, that I repeat to myself on a continuous basis is, “They’re doing the best that they can.” This tends to cool me off in the moment. Just remembering that on any given day the other person who ticked me off is just doing the best that they can on that day. And if you say to yourself, “Well, the best that they can is just not good enough,” you haven’t proven your point. Because “not good enough” is the best that they can do on that day. Another wonderful mind mantra was taught to me by my friend Fanny. If you feel that someone offended you, “Don’t take offense. You don’t have to ‘take’ it. Just leave it where it is. Over there.” Brilliant.
These are all powerful and effective strategies that work for me to help me keep a lid on it. To keep me from exploding on people. To reinforce they are: “It’s easier to hold one’s tongue, than to lick up the mess when its damage is done”; “Least said, soonest mended”; “Don’t take it personally”; “They’re doing the best that they can”; and “You don’t have to take the offense, just leave it right there.”
Put these catch phrases and quips in the forefront of your mind. They will help you practice holding back a snide comment or two when you’d rather lace into someone. Because a barrage of put-downs or angry tirades that might give you a shot of satisfaction because you “said your peace” may in the balance do more harm than good to everyone. In the moment it may have been satisfying. But not in the next moment. Don’t let the heat of the moment rule you. Why not replace a piece of your mind with peace of mind.
Yes,there are occasions to say what’s on your mind. But there are ways to do that which are not destructive. The point is that you need to think about your paradigm so that your reactions accomplish your goals. Is your relationship more important than the momentary satisfaction of giving that person a piece of your mind?
Don’t let your tongue undermine your happiness. Remember your goals: healthy, in tact relationships. Consider taking on my paradigm and become a “Royal Ambassador for Positivity in the World.” Because our bonds and connections to the people in our lives are the most important assets we have in order to live a royally happy life.
And that’s it for today’s Tiara Tawk Tidbit!
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Dame Diane Uniman, Aka Princess Diane von Brainisfried, is an attorney turned motivational speaker, certified positive psychology life coach and award-winning writer. She wrote Bonjour, Breast Cancer-I’m Still Smiling…Wit, Wisdom, and Optimism for Beating the Breast Cancer Blues.