Bonjour Royal Friends!
Welcome to my blog, a ‘tongue-in-chic’ happiness lifestyle guide from a funny princess point of view!
Today I’d like to talk to you about how to handle the Valentine’s Day Blues if you don’t have a Valentine honey.
As Valentine’s Day approaches, we’re bombarded with ads from chocolatiers, florists, jewelers, and Hallmark Hot Spots who are gearing up in major overdrive. The frolic and fanfare around the holiday can be fun…if you’re in a relationship.
But if you’re not in a relationship, or you’re in one that’s in the dumpster, Valentine’s Day can be as much fun as finding a hair in a hot fudge sundae. Your Insta and Tik Tok feeds are infested with endless photos of hand-holding and hot-kissing couples. All the lovey-dovey bombardment may make you feel lost and lonely, drifting in an empty sea. You may be asking yourself, “Will I ever find anyone out there who completes me?”
ASK A BETTER QUESTION
Here’s some princess positivity pontification to the rescue. We learn in The School of Practical Philosophy that to find answers about life, ask yourself a good question. In the comedy film My Cousin Vinny, the prosecutor asks Marissa Tomei’s character if she could answer “What would the correct ignition timing be on a 1955 Belaire Chevrolet with a 327 cubic inch engine and a full barrel carburetor.”
She tells the prosecutor that she can’t answer that question. “It’s a bullsh*t question… it is a trick question, cause Chevy didn’t make a 327 in 1955…” In the same way, asking yourself whether you will you ever find anyone who completes you is not a good question because it also is a trick question!
YOU ARE ALREADY COMPLETE!
The premise of this “completeness” question assumes that you are not already complete. But you are already complete! Since you are already complete, it is impossible to find someone who will complete you.
But you say, “Princess Diane von Brainisfried, why do you believe I am already complete when I feel like I am only 432 pieces of a 1,000 piece puzzle?”
Why are you already complete? Because you are the beautiful DNA duet of your parents and of thousands of ancestors before that. You were complete the minute you hit the roulette lottery that is life and shot out of your mother’s birth canal in full glory of the children’s nursery song: “Heads, shoulders, knees and toes.” Throw a soul and some hair in there too.
And if you’re inclined to be spiritual about things, you arrived as a child of G-d. How much more complete can you get? That is not a trick question.
The fact is, you may feel like you are not complete, but that’s just a feeling. After I eat a hot pepper, I may feel like my tongue is on fire, but no one’s running for a fire extinguisher. Just a feeling.
DUMP THAT ROMANTIC NOTION AND GET REAL
It’s an overworked romantic notion to think that someone else is out there whom you need to complete you. Good golly Miss Molly, the real estate that is you is already totally occupied… by you! I invoke the dialogue in the movie Ghostbusters, where Peter (Bill Murray) said to Dana (Sigourney Weaver) who was possessed by Zuul, when Dana wanted Peter inside her. Murray retorted, “Might be a little crowded.”
Likewise you are already full…filled up with you in there! Full and complete with the beautiful, bright, wonderful, creative, loving human being that makes up you. Don’t let the trap of romantic notions on Insta, Tic Tok, and Valentine’s Day hoopla convince you otherwise. Selling emptiness is good for clicks and for the economy.
BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR….
Here’s something else to chew on instead of a box of Godivas. I believe it’s not even desirable to be “completed!”
Think about it. If you are “completed,” that means you’re “done.” Time to hang up your tap shoes. There’s nowhere else to go and nothing else to do. If you’re completed, you have no more capacity to grow. To evolve. To Learn. If you are really and truly completed, quite possibly, it means you’re dead. So be careful what you wish for.
But then again, I imagine when we’ve bit the big one, we still won’t be completed. Dollars to DoNut holes (inside joke) I will have left a pretty full ‘To Do’ List, with a pant load of buckets on it yet to be emptied. And I’m fine with that. It means to the very end, I was always striving, always fitfully alive!
A BETTER QUESTION TO ASK
What might be a better question to ask yourself if you’d like to meet someone to share your life with? Whom should you be looking for, if not someone who completes you?
Try this alternate, life-augmenting question on for size. Ask yourself, “Where can I find someone who delights me!”
Being delighted by someone is a thrilling complement to your already full self. It’s fun. It’s healthy. When you look for someone who delights you, not for someone who completes you, you won’t feel so vulnerable, because you aren’t starting with a perceived deficit in your self. A wonderful byproduct of this healthier mindset is that you might avoid the creeps who pick up on a vibe of vulnerability and try to exploit it. Just say’n.
Being with someone who delights you, as opposed to “completing” you, will help you remain feeling strong, even during the ups and downs of the relationship. And make no mistake, as you go on life’s journey with someone who delights you, as opposed to someone you think “completes” you, all 1,000 pieces of that puzzle will definitely be there.
Royal Friend, you don’t need a dozen red roses this Valentine’s Day…you are already in full bloom.
x♥x♥x♥,
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Dame Diane Uniman, Aka Princess Diane von Brainisfried, is an attorney turned motivational speaker, certified positive psychology life coach and award-winning writer. She wrote Bonjour, Breast Cancer-I’m Still Smiling…Wit, Wisdom, and Optimism for Beating the Breast Cancer Blues.