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They say Rome wasn’t built in a day. And why was that? Perhaps continual setbacks due to politics, pestilence, people, and your garden variety ancient problems had something to do with it. Maybe that’s why Rome is called The Eternal City; it took eternally long to build!
If it seems like it’s taking you as long to reach your goals as it was to build Rome, you’re not alone. If a goal is big enough, it’s likely to be challenging. And you’re likely to incur a whole bunch of setbacks.
I’ve had plenty of big setbacks along the path to my goals. One of my musicals was on its way when the proverbial rug was pulled out from under me…and the whole thing fell apart. One of my screenplays was spear-headed by a producer when suddenly the winds shifted… and the whole thing fell apart. Was I disappointed? Does a monkey like bananas? As they say in legal speak: asked and answered.
Setbacks are not only disappointing, but often demoralizing and discouraging. Since I’m a princess of positivity, I realized I needed to do something about how I viewed setbacks so that I could handle them with more optimism. Kind of like if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. But how?
I once heard advice in relation to goal setting that one should “focus on the process, not the results.” That advice was good in so far as learning to take one step at a time. If you focus on the process and not the big, looming, Mount Everest of a goal, that big goal won’t appear so impossible to scale. As the children’s rhyme goes, “Inch by inch, it’s a cinch. Yard by yard it’s hard.” Take little steps. If you’ve got a real big cookie, take small bites.
But this “focus on the process” advice failed when it wasn’t the daunting nature of the goal per se that was challenging, but the ridiculously relentless attack of setbacks.
Take for example anyone’s weight loss goal. Common goal for sure. Even more common…setbacks. According to The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, only about 20% of people keep the weight off that they’ve lost. Although in these cases people reached their goals, the setback came in not keeping them. Been there, done that. Big cookie. Too many bites. Literally.
I had an epiphany one day that gave me the new mindset shift that I was looking for to handle setbacks with more optimism. I heard my inner voice say: “Don’t just focus on the process; ADORE the process!”
Eureka! That’s it! Adore the process! I promised myself that from now on whatever goals I’m passionate about and working toward, I’m going to adore the process of getting there.
Not only is this attitude an act of self-love and compassion, it’s also an awareness that sheer grit in the face of repeated setback and failure is part of progress too. Winner winner Champagne dinner if you’re still in the game and you haven’t quit.
An “adore the process” mindset is transformational. It’s pure 24K gold. Setbacks no longer get me down. I just keep plugging along, safe and secure in the notion that the process has my love. The process has my back. The process has my adoration. The downs as well as the ups. However long the process takes. And that makes me smile. And when you adore your process, that should make you smile, too.
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Dame Diane Uniman, Aka Princess Diane von Brainisfried, is an attorney turned motivational speaker, certified positive psychology life coach and award-winning writer. She wrote Bonjour, Breast Cancer-I’m Still Smiling…Wit, Wisdom, and Optimism for Beating the Breast Cancer Blues.