You see, my Palace sources explained that unlike at Queen Elizabeth II’s coronation where more than 8,000 guests attended and G-d knows how many were invited, it appears the Palace has whittled the guest list down to 2,000. Here’s what my Palace sources also know; before all that whittling, YOU were GUEST #2002!  Darn it to dingleberries…so close but no cigar!

Alas, you’ll have to settle for a ringside seat by an iPad instead of views from the pews at Westminster Abbey. But look on the bright side….you can have popcorn.

So why did you even have a fat fighting chance to attend this auspicious ceremony? Because you, dear friends, are related to royalty!

Yes it’s true! You are related to royalty according to my theory, “The Sixth Degree Princess,” illustrated below beautifully by my son, Prince Max. 

My theory was recently proven by DNA evidence released by the Royal Academy of Brainiacs and Quacks.  That venerable institution has finally proven that we’re all descended from one side or the other of a royal bloodline.  Right side or left, now you know who you really are. 

Why is my “Sixth Degree Princess” theory so important?

There’s a magical transformation that takes place when you realize you’re a princess like the kind who wears a diamond encrusted tiara or sleeps on a mile-high mattress with a little pea. (That’s spelled correctly.) The kind who knows Compassion and Kindness are her middle names. Mine is also Frances. The kind who’s proactively pursuing her bold destiny and carrying out her royal duty to use her gifts and talents to make the world a better place. The kind who knows the power of a smile to brighten the world and gladden a stranger’s heart.

When a person understands that there really is a tiara in her closet, and that her royal roots are not something she acquired after six weeks of hair growth, she holds her head higher and walks more assuredly as she moves toward manifesting her destiny.  She awakens to the power of her birthright that is bound up in her sacred duty to explore, unearth, and utilize her special gifts and talents to  make her Kingdom a more wonderful place in her own, uniquely fabulous way. 

On the almost eve of the glorious coronation ceremony that will take place in the face of the whole world, I invite you to remember who you are. A royal soul…who missed the guest list by a mere two people!

Oh, and by the way, if you’re wondering who’s GUEST# 2,001, it’s yours truly, Princess Diane Von Brainisfried. BTW, I’ll be eating mine unbuttered…with a hint of salt.