Bonjour Royal Friends!
I’m Princess Diane Von Brainisfried bringing you my Princess Positivity Pointers to help you live your royally happy life!
In today’s post I thought it would be fun to share with you the nine tips I gave Meghan Markle to help her seamlessly transition from an American star to a newbie American princess in England.
It can’t be easy to transition from being an All American Girl to Princess of Fish and Chips. No worries, Meghan, Princess Diane Von Brainisfried to the rescue! With these few tips as starters, our new royal will get a fabulous start in her new role as Princess/duchess/whatevertheycall her. And she needn’t worry if her exact official title isn’t Princess; the way I see it, it doesn’t matter what they call her as long as she gets to wear a tiara!
So here’s my nine tips to help the newbie American princess acclimate to her new digs:
- You’ve already received your own coat of arms. It’s perfectly within your rights to request your own coat of legs as well; it will be especially helpful on those long walks with the Queen and her corgies.
- We’ve all seen the extravagant hats worn by the upper crust at weddings, royal functions and the races. Here’s my urgent missive: Request an American milliner ASAP. No further explanation needed.
- There’s new potty nomenclature you’ll have to learn. If you have to go to the John, think Loo instead. A good way to remember this is to sing the children’s song “Lou Lou skip to my Lou, skip to my Lou my darling.” No one will know what the (Charles) dickens you are talking about, and you’ll get what and where you need to go without a hitch.
- When you get a hankering to dig into a good old American plate of (vegan-yayyy!) burgers and fries, you may no longer avail yourself of your fingers to dig in. Strictly knife and fork stuff. The only use of your ten digits for anything edible must in the future be done in private. Just sayin’.
- If you want to make a trip to the city of brotherly love, don’t tell The Firm that you’re in the mood for Philadelphia. You might wind up with a bagel and a shmear on your breakfast tray. Translation: creamcheese is called Philadelphia.
- In the matter of teeth: You’re good–for now. Be on the qui vivre with that one. Culture is king, princess.
- You’ll need to hire an expert gym coach with a concentration in wrist action to strengthen your wrists for the hours and hours you’ll be doing the “royal wave.” You might also ask the coach to strengthen your thumb, which will now get overuse when counting with your hands to signify number one.
- You are an dog lover, as am I. You are perfectly within your rights to harbor a dog whose breed begins with the word American…or French, German, Belgian or other nationality. When it comes down to it, just like the English ones, they all drop their rrrrrrrr’s.
- If Prince Harry sees a pretty wench and wants a little “banger,” don’t get flummuxed and frantic; most likely he’s hungry and in the mood for a sausage. And of course, if you do have an argument because you still believe his eye had roamed, nevah, nevah go to bed angry. I’ll borrow some advice from your royal house: “Lie down, and think of England, dear.”
Ta ta til next time!
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