HOW TO START THINKING YOU’RE NEVER TOO OLD

Dear Royal Friends,                                                                                      Many of you out there in the kingdom have bought into the false narrative that as you age, your worth in the (world, job market, meat market) diminishes.  Through my travels and coaching I’ve seen how many of you have bought into this false narrative, not only for yourself, but you think that everyone and his mangy mutt’s cousin thinks this way too.

This is incredibly self-destructive, self-sabotaging, and self-limiting self-talk, especially if you’re out in the field looking for a new job or new career and competing with cake-walking cock of the walk types. This is exactly the time when a princess needs to dig deep and bring the bold! But I get it. It can be difficult to exude bold energy if you think of yourself as  a “has been,”  or you think the world sees you as one. 

It’s a new day princess! Here’s a thought that will reframe that negative self-talk about getting older and smashing it to a pulp as pulpy as avocado on toast!  I caught the idea while waiting on the lunch line at Panera’s.  A veritable Panera Epiphany.  Ever have one of those? An idea catches you while you’re calculating the lesser damage between the cheddar cheese and broccoli soup and the Greek salad with quinoa.  Out of nowhere, whammo, you get an enlightened thought.  That’s what happened. Suddenly, an image of Albert Einstein popped into my head. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This thought bubble might have made more sense if I had been eating at Einstein Bagels; such is the mysterious nature of the mind and its synapses.

So, after this image came to my mind I thought, “What do we think of when we see a picture of the old man Einstein — all manic white hair flaming around his wrinkled, bushy-eyed face? Do we think, “Twenty bucks ole’ Albee doesn’t remember where he put his keys.” Do we think, “I bet the hoo-ha’s at The Institute didn’t expect him to the solve the hard ones anymore”  

Nyet. The first thought that comes to mind when we see a photo of the elder Einstein is, “GENIUS BRAINIAC!”  Not, “has been” Genius Brainiac.  Not “used to be” Genius Brainiac.  We don’t superimpose upon that old man’s image any of that incredibly destructive, sabotaging, and limiting talk that we might impose upon ourselves if well, we looked as wildly, unapologetically old as he did.

So here’s where I’m going with this. If you were an employer looking for a think tank kind of employee, and the real old man Albert Einstein wandered into your office looking for a think tank kind of job, what would be your reaction? Fifty bucks it wouldn’t be “Twenty-bucks that guy doesn’t know where he put his keys” or “I bet he can’t solve the hard ones anymore.”  

Granted you may not be a genius. Or maybe you are. But that’s beside the point for today. We the public never view  Einstein’s age as an issue with his functionality, his relevance, or any diminution of his gifts.  To the outside world, his age, for all time, has been rendered irrelevant. As it should be.  

So likewise, princess, no matter how white your hair, no matter how bushy your eyebrows, no matter how long your ear lobes, render your age irrelevant.  That advice is in line with what my French friend and mentor, Fanny Truehertz, used to tell me: “Be like I am.  I never think about my age.” Those French divas know how it’s done!  And if you want to find out more how it’s done, take a gander over to the iconic Cindy Jospeh, of the BOOM! revolution. Cindy has created a rather revolutionary dialogue among women and their birthday candles, not to mention cool and liberating products, that has taken feeling good about your growing older self to a whole ‘nuther level.

So heads up princess! It’s time you let your brightness, your boldness, and your creative spark sustain you and drive you until it’s just not physically possible any more. And by that I mean you’ve either become dead or demented.  I want you to carry around the image of Einstein in your mind’s pocket. I want you to whip it out any time you need ammo to help your inner and outer man kick that erroneous, self-destructive thought process that your age makes your brain less relevant…and put that into re-butt-al mode. I don’t want you to ever again fall prey to the false narrative that one extra minute of living you’ve added to the gift of YOU has in any way diminished your gifts!

The moral of the story, or morel of the story, if you’re partial to fungus is, never let your years come between you and your sense of self-worth.  And if you ever start slipping into old patterns, I’ve got two words for you. Albert Einstein. Oh, and btw, I got the salad.

XOXOXO,

PRINCESS DIANE VON BRAINISFRIED

                         “Live your royally happy life!™”

 

 

Seven Little Known Secrets For Coping With Fear, Anxiety, & Worry

Dear Royal Friends,

Life has a way of scaring the living crap out of us. Sometimes it’s self-inflicted, like when we ruminate in the Trifecta of Troublesome Thoughts (Fear, Worry & Anxiety).  Sometimes we blow up a small problem bigger than Puff The Magic Dragon — the old ‘Mountains out of Molehills thing. Sometimes the goblins are totally real…like the passionate frog you kissed (etc.) and thought was Prince Charming, turned out to be a run-of-the-pond “horny” toad. Literally. 

"When Prince Charming turns out to be Pond Scum.'

“When Prince Charming turns out to be Pond Scum.’

I may be a princess pundit of positivity, but I’m not immune from getting into a tizzy by life’s slings and arrows.  But I do have a rather large bag of tricks up my princess puffy sleeves to deal with them.  I’ve accumulated an arsenal of handy dandy worry circuit breakers which I keep readily available in my “Coping” Cabana drawer located on the left side of my brain.  In the bag are thoughts and exercises that calm my mind when it’s twirling around, as the Queen Mum says, “like a fart in beet soup.”  Or maybe someone’s bubbe said that. 

Here are seven excellent coping tricks I use that are quite unusual, but incredibly effective:

1.  Remember you have to learn how to comfort yourself, then visualize being in two big hands full of light. – Fanny Trueherz;

2. Say to yourself, “Let go, be loving, and let the divine swirl move you.”  – Princess Diane Von Brainsfried;

3. Calming breath exercise: “Smell the flowers, blow out the candles.”  Technique: Breathe in slowly through your nose on “smell the flowers,” breathe out more quickly through your mouth on “blow out the candles.”   – Intensive Care Unit at Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital in New Brunswick, NJ;

4. Say to yourself, “Leave the thinking to the horses; they’ve got bigger heads”  – Fanny Trueherz;

5. Become like a chiropractor of your brain and make an attitude adjustment – Princess Diane Von Brainisfried

6.  Say to yourself, “It’s all mind over matter. I don’t mind, and it don’t matter.” – my dad, Dr. Irving Young;

7. LAUGH. Find some funny videos on Youtube or Facebook, or watch a funny movie.  “The World is full of horrible things that will eventually get you and everything you care about. Laughter is a universal way to lift your head up and say: ‘Not today, you bastards!'” – Anthony Jeselnik  

I invite you to get yourself a big ole’ Bag o’ Coping Tricks too. Steal these from me with my blessing.  Store your bag wherever you like, but keep it handy dandy. And yes, we have to learn how to comfort ourselves, but that doesn’t mean we can’t get a little help from our royal friends.  I’m here for you.  

Bisous et tra la la,

XOXOXOXO,

Princess Diane Von Brainisfried 

“LIVE YOUR ROYALLY HAPPY LIFE!”

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One princess’s pudding is another’s poison

Dear Royal Friends~

You’ve undoubtedly heard the expression,  “one man’s poison is another man’s pudding.”  

"You don't like puddin'? Then more for me!"

“You don’t like puddin’? Then more for me!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For example, staying on a “roll” with the food theme, I am not a big fan of pig roasts.  It pains me to see these sad-eyed  little critters crammed all whole and real on a serving platter, their last Wil(bur) and testament being a parsley-plattered  laurel, a sad irony considering it’s certainly not the pig’s victory.  And, good lord, what they do to that poor apple!

Pig roasts, as you might have guessed, are my poison. But some princesses love pig roasts. To them,  it’s their pudding.

And so I was reminded of this pudding/poison axiom as I was strolling through New York City’s Central Park just the other day, when  grey, threatening skies loomed sooner than predicted.  The clouds were not supposed to open up into wetness until evening. But you know what they say, “Man plans, G-d laughs”  and the skies had another idea.  Almost without warning, we in the park got dumped on by a torrent that soon soaked our clothes and packages, and made our sneakers and jellies squeak.  

Many scurried and many scowled, and most did both, harassed by this lapse in weatherman judgement.   I ran under the nearest broad-limbed tree, but the droplets were like heat seeking missiles that found their way through the feathery leaves.   I spied  a table umbrella at a vacant table by a little park cafe and made a bee-line for better cover.

As I stood waiting out the downpour,  feeling slightly grumbly,  I saw a sight that shifted my perception of the unexpected storm.  

You see, running down the hill outside the little park cafe was a young man pushing a baby carriage  in the pouring rain.  He was shouting  “wheeeeeee” “wheeeeee” at the top of his lungs,  and his rain-streaked face sported a smile so brilliant, it was a near match for the absent sun.   Inside the carriage was a golden-haired angel, maybe two or three years old, soaked curls matted against her head,  head tilted up to the sky to receive this gift, giggling and laughing in wild abandon.  Both of her chubby little  arms were outstretched high into the air in order to grasp the raindrops as they whizzed by her in the carriage.

  I will never forget the expression on that little girl’s face. If joy had a face, she was IT.

In that moment I realized that this downpour, this “poison” that was responsible for so many scowls on so many faces, was quintessential pudding to this little girl!  Forget pudding; this was an Eiffel tower-sized  ice cream sundae with rainbow shhhprinkels!  This was  a giant stuffed teddy bear won at a Six Flags roulette wheel.  This was an “I bought you a puppy” even though mommy said “no.”

Suddenly, at the sight of this little cherub’s amazingly happy face, I broke into a Cheshire Cat grin. Her exuberant squeals of delight tickled me princess pink, and what was a moment ago my poison, became instantly my pudding. (Not to be confused with instant pudding.) Right then and there I made a vow  to remember the expression on that little girl’s face forever. To remember the sound of her unfettered and spontaneous glee.  To remember her father’s indulgently playful “wheeeeeee” “wheeeee” all the way home. I shall use these as my shield against the onslaughts of daily little poisons.

And when they assault me, and they will, I will  remember this little girl and her father, and then this little princess will go “wheeee” “wheeee” all the way home to the palace. 

TTFN, P! (Ta Ta For Now, Princess)  

hearts-673345_640 pixabay

 

 

PRINCESS DIANE VON BRAINISFRIED

“Live Your Royally Happy Life!™”

 

 

 

 

 

 

THREE WORDS THAT WILL TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE!

Dear Royal Friends, 

I remember reading once that the famous Rabbi Hillel was  asked if he  could teach the Torah while someone was standing on one foot.  His answer was yes.  He said something like, “Don’t treat others in a way you would not want to be treated. The rest is commentary. Now go study.”    Pretty amazing condensation of ideas.  The guy literally invented short and sweet.  The idea expressed in that powerful sentence was life-changing for those who are capable of following the credo.  Whenever I think of Rabbi Hillel, I think of that lesson as being his essence. 

Have you ever challenged  yourself by asking what lesson, what credo do you hold that is the essence of yourself? Something you believe in your inner core that is profound that could change a person in a positive way?  I bet if you thought about it, you would flesh out something really inspiring. 

I encourage you by way of this post,   to think about a premise that you believe is life-changing for the good, and share it with us in the kingdom.   Let us know!  If you are reading this column, you are a person of substance and love.  We in the kingdom want to hear what you have to say that could change the world for the better.  Just start with one idea.  If you thought it, it’s worth reading.

Here’s my big credo. Something that is of my essence:  PRACTICE RADICAL FORGIVENESS.  Dee Nice Photo 1

If you forgive radically, unconditionally, you will change your life and the lives of others.  You will fly light like a bird.  You will know the incredible lightness of being. You will never again drag around the baggage and puss of old grudges.  It’s the most liberating thing you can do for yourself without breaking any laws.  Practicing radical forgiveness does not mean you excuse the other person. It just means you sing the Frozen song and let it go. Not for the other guy, but for you. It releases the forces of revenge.  It breaks cycles of madness. It keeps doors open and let’s people back in.  It kicks the crap out of fear. It’s the singular most powerful force in my universe that supports my smile.  I’d love you to try it and share your thoughts below!

Bisous et tra la la,  

hearts-673345_640 pixabay

 

PRINCESS DIANE VON BRAINISFRIED

 

“LIVE YOUR ROYALLY HAPPY LIFE!™”

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The “Law” of Attraction made me do something royally, unbelievably stupid!

Dear Royal Friends, 

There’s a lot out there that passes for “law” these days. The “Law” of Attraction.  The “Law” of the Vacuum.  I always thought  “laws” were what made apples fall down from trees instead of up, and what got you parking tickets when you parked near a fire hydrant.  But what do I know? Maybe The Law of Attraction and The Law of The Vacuum are laws.  Perhaps they’re merely theories? Axioms?  Postulates? It’s something a smart and savvy princess should at least ponder.princess-157393_1280I’m taking courses at the School of Practical Philosophy.  We learned not to accept or reject what we hear, but to see how it works and test the truth of it.  Here’s something royally and unbelievably stupid I did when I didn’t follow that “law.” 

After working as a lawyer for about fifteen years, I decided I wanted to be a writer instead.  I had been intensely studying the Law of Attraction and its sidekick, The Law of The Vacuum. The Law of The Vacuum, in shorthand terms, would have you burn bridges and get rid of the old, in order to allow the universe to bring you the new. A classic example is, if you have old curtains and you can’t afford new ones, tear the old curtains down and leave your windows curtain-less, so new curtains will make their way to you from the universe. You have to show those new curtains that you mean biz.  

Thus, when I passionately wanted to transition from being a lawyer to a writer, my interpretation of The Law of The Vacuum sent me on an insane mission to throw out every single piece of legal work I had ever written. I had to make room for the writer by throwing out the lawyer, right? I burned my bridges so bad, my flame flower filed a grievance report.

Do you know how hard it is to become a lawyer?  Do you know how many years of sweat equity it takes sitting your arse down in a chair, annexed from everyone you know and love, pumping sludge into your brain? Oh, and ask me about the bar exam…Don’ ask! I’d rather have natural childbirth with 10-pound triplets than go through that again.

Yet, despite the effort it took to obtain my JD and pass the bar exam,  I jettisoned hundreds of my legal briefs, legal memos, legal documents and legal information. I don’t know what compelled me to save my law school diploma, but I did. And thus, I began writing screenplays and musicals.

A year later, I decided I really wanted to do both law and writing, thereby balancing my  right-brain creative side with my  left-brain analytical side. I had realized that exercising one side at the expense of the other left me feeling mentally lop-sided.

To that end, I made inquiries to work as a criminal appeals attorney. I called a woman who was the hiring counsel of a large legal appellate office.   We engaged in a chat about law, the arts, my passionate desire to be a writer and my decision to pursue both a creative writing career and a legal career. I explained I had a few years experience in appellate writing and in private practice, as well as many years experience in corporate law.

We had a fantastic conversation.  We truly liked each other. I had appellate writing experience. I’m thinkin’ woohoo, I’m in!

Not so fast. At the end of the conversation, she asked to see one of my legal briefs as a writing sample. Praab-lem! I didn’t have a legal brief.  So I had to tell her I didn’t have a legal brief to send her. She paused, confused, and then said I could send any legal writing sample instead. Praab-lem! I had to tell her I didn’t have any legal writing sample of anything I’ve done….even though I had been a lawyer for fifteen years.  Not having any legal writing samples after being a lawyer for fifteen years was a near impossible feat, mind you, even for the least prolific of lawyers say, on earth.

I proceeded tell her the truth. I was so hell bent on becoming a writer, that in a fit of madness, I had thrown away everything I had ever written as a lawyer. The only evidence I had left that proved I was a lawyer was my diploma.

There was a long pause. A very, very long pause. At the end of the very, very long pause, she uttered the by now immortal word in this oft-repeated tale of triumph over stupidity. In what seemed to me a combination of astonishment, admiration and awe, she exclaimed, “Cool!”

I got incredibly lucky. She let me write a legal brief on “spec,”  it was good enough, and I was accepted. I continue to exercise my right brain and left brain hemispheres. My screenplays and musicals have gained some traction and have won some cool awards. I do legal writing when I want. I continue to study The Law of Attraction and The Law of The Vacuum and other such principles.   But now when I read them, I keep in mind what I  learned at The School Of Practical Philosophy: to ask myself, “What would a wise man or a wise woman do?” That’s a principle that is definitely attractive. 

 XOXOXOX,

PRINCESS DIANE VON BRAINISFRIED

“LIVE YOUR ROYAL LIFE!™”