One princess’s pudding is another’s poison

Dear Royal Friends~

You’ve undoubtedly heard the expression,  “one man’s poison is another man’s pudding.”  

"You don't like puddin'? Then more for me!"

“You don’t like puddin’? Then more for me!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For example, staying on a “roll” with the food theme, I am not a big fan of pig roasts.  It pains me to see these sad-eyed  little critters crammed all whole and real on a serving platter, their last Wil(bur) and testament being a parsley-plattered  laurel, a sad irony considering it’s certainly not the pig’s victory.  And, good lord, what they do to that poor apple!

Pig roasts, as you might have guessed, are my poison. But some princesses love pig roasts. To them,  it’s their pudding.

And so I was reminded of this pudding/poison axiom as I was strolling through New York City’s Central Park just the other day, when  grey, threatening skies loomed sooner than predicted.  The clouds were not supposed to open up into wetness until evening. But you know what they say, “Man plans, G-d laughs”  and the skies had another idea.  Almost without warning, we in the park got dumped on by a torrent that soon soaked our clothes and packages, and made our sneakers and jellies squeak.  

Many scurried and many scowled, and most did both, harassed by this lapse in weatherman judgement.   I ran under the nearest broad-limbed tree, but the droplets were like heat seeking missiles that found their way through the feathery leaves.   I spied  a table umbrella at a vacant table by a little park cafe and made a bee-line for better cover.

As I stood waiting out the downpour,  feeling slightly grumbly,  I saw a sight that shifted my perception of the unexpected storm.  

You see, running down the hill outside the little park cafe was a young man pushing a baby carriage  in the pouring rain.  He was shouting  “wheeeeeee” “wheeeeee” at the top of his lungs,  and his rain-streaked face sported a smile so brilliant, it was a near match for the absent sun.   Inside the carriage was a golden-haired angel, maybe two or three years old, soaked curls matted against her head,  head tilted up to the sky to receive this gift, giggling and laughing in wild abandon.  Both of her chubby little  arms were outstretched high into the air in order to grasp the raindrops as they whizzed by her in the carriage.

  I will never forget the expression on that little girl’s face. If joy had a face, she was IT.

In that moment I realized that this downpour, this “poison” that was responsible for so many scowls on so many faces, was quintessential pudding to this little girl!  Forget pudding; this was an Eiffel tower-sized  ice cream sundae with rainbow shhhprinkels!  This was  a giant stuffed teddy bear won at a Six Flags roulette wheel.  This was an “I bought you a puppy” even though mommy said “no.”

Suddenly, at the sight of this little cherub’s amazingly happy face, I broke into a Cheshire Cat grin. Her exuberant squeals of delight tickled me princess pink, and what was a moment ago my poison, became instantly my pudding. (Not to be confused with instant pudding.) Right then and there I made a vow  to remember the expression on that little girl’s face forever. To remember the sound of her unfettered and spontaneous glee.  To remember her father’s indulgently playful “wheeeeeee” “wheeeee” all the way home. I shall use these as my shield against the onslaughts of daily little poisons.

And when they assault me, and they will, I will  remember this little girl and her father, and then this little princess will go “wheeee” “wheeee” all the way home to the palace. 

TTFN, P! (Ta Ta For Now, Princess)  

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PRINCESS DIANE VON BRAINISFRIED

“Live Your Royally Happy Life!™”

 

 

 

 

 

 

Unveiling my princess food truck prototype!

Dear Princess,

I recently hopped into the city for some business meetings in my kingdom.  Lunchtime came around and my colleagues and I spilled outside to grab some grub.   My mind was on some salad or such in a little French bistro (of course) around the corner, when my eye caught sight of a gaggle of fabulous food trucks lined up along the street, gleaming in the midday sun. One after the other, these proud, square squatters parked in the fab food lane.  From taco and tortillas, to pitas and their pockets, to brews and stews, the “stand up” chefs in their upscale chuck wagons were energetically serving an exciting diversity of delectables to eager consumers waiting in long ques. Hmmmm….is that a fajita sizzling, or the smell of a successfully sizzling enterprise?!

It got me to thinkin’ — wouldn’t it be fun to add a princess food truck empire to my many indulgent projects? Yeppers it t’wood.  But what would a princess food truck even look like?

I thought up some ideas and consulted my experts, then combed the world looking for a prototype so I could retrofit it to my exact specs!  Here it is!  Whaddaya think?

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I’m so excited, because I got a two thumbs up from  the great chef “Gourd-on” Ramsey. 

What would your princess food truck look like?

Bisous et tralala,

XOXOXOXOX PRINCESS DIANE VON BRAINISFRIED

 

 

 

Is the Humble Brag the new obnoxious self-promotion

Dear Royal Friends,  

There was a time when humbleness and humility was a noble quality.  Those who resorted to bragging and tooting their own horns were viewed as tacky and obnoxious.  Does Queen Elizabeth get her “rocks” off by bragging about how many diamonds nestle in her diadem? The royal “we” think not. 

Enter the humble brag, a term credited to the late writer Harris Wittels, writer on the TV series “Parcs and Rec.” The humble brag is a brag bomb that’s tightly wrapped in humility like a corn husk tamale. You don’t know the quality of the inside mush until it gets unwrapped.

The humble brag, perforce wrapped in humility, can take you by surprise and leave you wondering whether the person just offered up  insider information on her soul, or slammed you with the goo of obnoxious self-promotion.  poses-1367416_1280

So, what’s the humble bragger’s deal?  I believe she is the person who longs to brag, but is too clever to let it all hang out, and soft enough to care about us liking her.   Thus, she throws the scent off the trail with a booby trap, commonly in the form of a preamble that smells like self-deprication.  But never fear — her musket is loaded.  Further down the road she will blow forth a big fat bombastic brag.

Here’s an example: “Can you believe how stupid I am? I can’t believe I blew the answer to that Jeopardy question.  I just don’t know how they let me into Harvard and I graduated Phi Beta Kappa in three years while I worked full time as a reporter for the Boston Globe.”  Here’s another fine example:  “I thought I looked like crap when I stepped off the plane in Monaco. It’s crazy that I got mobbed by reporters who thought I was Princess Caroline. I don’t know why that always happens to me.” 

If one deconstructs the humble brag, it’s pretty clear that the ammunition employed is the smokescreen of confusion.  She said she was stupid, didn’t she? She said she looked like crap, right?  Golly. I guess she’s can’t be bragging.  

So why should we care whether we can identify if someone is overtly bragging v. covertly humble bragging? I mean,  isn’t it true that all braggers are generally sprinkled with the sediment of insecurity, and thus, as princesses, we must have compassion and show tolerance toward them all, even as we turn up our noses in the stink of it? Yup.  But sitting through a covert bragging jag without throwing up is really, really hard to do. So maybe if we can identify a person as a humble bragger, and not a true high-flying bragger, compassion might be a little easier to find. 

Whereas the obnoxious overt bragger wants to be loved but doesn’t seem to give a crap whom he or she offends, the covert humble bragger is a different animal. These folks seriously want to brag, but they still give it the ole’ college try in trying to be decent about it.  They pray you don’t find the bragging stone under the smooth green softening moss of their alleged self-deprecation. We should give them credit for that.  Does that mean they still can be really likable? Yeah. I think so.

Humble bragging may be the new obnoxious brag, but in the hierarchy of obnoxiousness, it ain’t on the highest rung.  And, perhaps one day, you may have something you are really really proud of, you feel yourself busting at the seams, and you’re pretty sure it’s not gas.   You might find humble bragging is your best shot at letting it out — and still keeping your friends.

                                                                          XOXOXOXO                                                           PRINCESS DIANE VON BRAINISFRIED

“LIVE YOUR ROYALLY HAPPY, RADICALLY FULFILLED, PRINCESS-WORTHY LIFE!™”

Is that funny money in your wallet?

Dear Royal Friends, 

It has come to the attention of the keepers of my royal treasure trove, that some of the money in our kingdom might be funny.  Was there an interloper in our kingdom who was laundering more than dirty knickers? How did this infection infuse our treasury?

I was terribly upset at first, because I have heard very bad things about funny money, although I don’t really know what they are. Anything funny seems like a good thing to me. And that’s when I had an epiphany.

We here in the kingdom are always trying to look at the bright side. If anyone can find a way to make lemon-cello out of lemons, we can.  So I thought, funny is a good thing. Stuff that’s funny makes you laugh, puts a smile on your face, lifts your spirits. So if  funny is a good thing, why can’t we look at funny money in a way that is a good thing too?  And we can!  You see, finally, for the first time ever, only in our kingdom, if and when our money is funny…money can buy you happiness.

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And that’s a pretty big bang for the buck.                        

Bisous et tra la la,

Princess Diane Von Brainisfried                                              

If you like what you read, please be a darling and share!  

 

 

Even now, do you secretly worry about being cool?

Hi Royal Friends,

Do you secretly worry about being cool? You might assume that only teens get swept up into this kind of pressure. Not necessarily.

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Just as teens experience pressure to become  part of the “in crowd,” or to buy the  “right” purse, or perhaps cringe when mom picks them up from school in an old clunker, anxiety about being cool can shadow us into adulthood like a grease stain on a white blouse.   But it doesn’t have to be that way.

 If we learn to focus on our unique royal essence and our own  precious worth, if we understand how each of us already makes a difference in the world for the better and build on that, we begin to realize how traditional coolness is superfluous.  It’s based on our perceptions of what other people think is cool.  The common cool.  The common cool is just that: common.  But we are not common. We are princesses.  And princesses have a duty to make a difference in the world for the better. That’s our cool factor.

As soon as we focus on what we can  contribute to the world, either through an enthusiastic passion (a hobby, our work, a project) and/or through our everyday doings ( a smile, a good word, a kind deed), our anxieties about becoming cool melt away. Because it just won’t be relevant anymore to our self worth.

Check out  a post here, by Maggie di Pasquale, a wonderfully smart young woman who mentors teens and tweens who addressed this issue on her blog.  Her marvelous advice is just as sage for grown ups. 

In Maggie’s words, “Stop putting pressure on yourself to be cool and start figuring out who you are.”  I can’t agree with her more.  

Go out there and live, laugh, love your royally happy life!

XOXOXOX

PRINCESS DIANE VON BRAINISFRIED

 

TOP 10 COOL, UP & COMING CHARITIES EVERY PRINCESS SHOULD SUPPORT

Dear Royal Friends,                                                                                 EVERYONE who’s anyone,  or at least someone who is anyone, has heard of charity balls such as THE MET GALA,  MOMA’S ARMORY GALA and THE TRIBECA BALL.  They are three of New York’s hottest charity shindigs. They’re what “insiders” call, “AVBD” (A Very Big Deal).  These are the charities that literally beat down doors to position la creme de la creme of society on their boards for support.  Why do you think my palace doors are made of iron? Exactly.

Despite their heavily pedigreed boards, famously “hot” charities such as these aren’t the only gala games in town.  There are numerous princess-worthy charities that are poised to be peppered with well-heeled civic-minded hob-nobbers that will be a perfect fit for a princess’s proud patronage! 

After much head-scratching (which is a bit tricky wearing a tiara), here is my list of TOP 10 COOL, UP & COMING 501C 3’s every princess should support.  These relatively obscure charities are  über cool.  If you want to be known as a leader in the princess pack, get on the band wagon now!  They are, in neither ascending nor descending order of importance:

 1. The New York Society For The Support of Orphaned Werewolves;

https://pixabay.com/en/werewolf-ghost-halloween-kid-fun-151663/

https://pixabay.com/en/werewolf-ghost-halloween-kid-fun-151663/

2. The International Organization for the Abolishment of Abused Rodeo Clowns;

https://pixabay.com/en/rodeo-cowboy-bull-riding-west-720779/

https://pixabay.com/en/rodeo-cowboy-bull-riding-west-720779/

3. New Jersey Society for the Rehabilitation of Ubiquitous and Nondescript  Diners;

https://pixabay.com/en/meal-diner-restaurant-762625/

https://pixabay.com/en/meal-diner-restaurant-762625/

 4. The New York League for the Aid of Anxious Frogs Or Toads Because No One Seems To Know The Difference; 
https://pixabay.com/en/toad-migration-toads-nature-301809/

https://pixabay.com/en/toad-migration-toads-nature-301809/

 

 

 

 

 

 

5. The New York & LA Society for The Prevention of Fallen Cheek Implants;

https://pixabay.com/en/doll-chubby-cheeks-face-toy-cute-18224/

https://pixabay.com/en/doll-chubby-cheeks-face-toy-cute-18224/

 

 

 

 

 

 

6. The International Organization for the Aid of Beauty Pageant Burn Out;

Photo Credit: Jeanne Masar via Compfight cc

Photo Credit: Jeanne Masar via Compfight cc

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

     7. The Urban League For The Abolition of Food Truck License Requirements;

Photo Credit: ricardodiaz11 via Compfight cc   Photo Credit: ricardodiaz11 via Compfight cc

8. International Middle Class Society In Support of The Legality of (Quality) Counterfeit Brand Name Luxury Goods; 

Photo Credit: pasukaru76 via Compfight cc Photo Credit: pasukaru76 via Compfight cc

9. American Patriotic League for the Abolition of Cheese and/or Vinegar on French Fries; and…..

 Photo Credit: Hen3k Hen3k via Compfight cc Photo Credit: Hen3k Hen3k via Compfight cc

10. Black Card Dining Society for the Prevention of Listing Lobsters on Menus Under Three Pounds.

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And there you have it!  Check in periodically for my newest list!

See you at the ball, princess!

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PRINCESS DIANE VON BRAINISFRIED!

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Photo Credit: Alexandra Moss via Compfight cc