YOU ARE RELATED TO ROYALTY & WHY IT MATTERS

Dear Royal Friends,                                                         Did you know you are related to royalty?  Yes it’s true! You may have seen me advocate this principle before, but it’s so important, I want to make sure my new royal friends receive this information and my long-standing fans don’t forget. 

According to my theory,”The Sixth Degree Princess,illustrated below beautifully by my son, Prince Max, and recently proven at the Royal Academy of Brainiacs and Quacks, one way or another we’re all descended from a royal bloodline.  Right side or left, you know who you are. 

 

Why is this theory so important? There’s a magical transformation that takes place when you realize you’re a real princess, as authentic as the kind who wears  a diamond encrusted tiara or sleeps on a mile-high mattress with a little pea. (That’s spelled correctly.) The kind who knows Compassion and Kindness are her middle names. Mine is also Frances. The kind who’s proactively pursuing her bold destiny and carrying out her royal duty to use her gifts and talents to make the world a better place. The kind who knows the power of a smile to brighten the world and gladden a stranger’s heart.

When a person understands that there really is a tiara in her closet, and that her royal roots are not something she acquired at her hair dresser’s, she holds her head higher and walks more assuredly as she moves toward manifesting her destiny.  She awakens to the power of her birthright that is bound up in her sacred duty to explore, unearth and utilize her special gifts and talents to help make her kingdom a more wonderful place in her own, uniquely fabulous way.

So like I’m always hocking you, “Put a tiara in your closet!” Go out there and be the bold and beautiful princess you are!

I’d love to hear what putting a tiara in your closet means to you!  Leave your comments below, princess!

 

XOXOXO,

PRINCESS DIANE  VON BRAINISFRIED

 “Live your royally happy life!™”

 

9 NECESSITIES FOR A ROYAL PRINCESS LIFE – HOT NEW LIST!

Dear Royal Friends, 

If you’re a newbie princess like I am, it’s a little hard to get up to snuff.  I’ve had to do a lot of catching up in a short time, not only to fulfill my royal duties, but also to learn to live life the way a royal princess oughta. One of my self-appointed duties is to help other newbie princesses learn the (purple velvet) ropes of princess life.  In order to do that, I make lists of this stuff. 

Here’s my latest list. It’s not organized in any particular order, because neither is my brain. 

1. A comprehensive guide to the most elegant and princess-worthy public pit stops in your kingdom — in case you need that throne away from home on your royal tours.

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The above is the glamorous entrance to New York City’s Waldorf Astoria’s ladies’ inner sanctum on the main floor.   

2. An auditorium-sized walk-in closet for your tiara collection.

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Make sure it has theater-quality lighting.   

3. A signature perfume created by a famous “nose” just for you, with the perfect blend of evocative notes to reflect your sweetness and your refinement, as well as your bold essence. Make sure there’s not even a hint of mousiness. 

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4. An hat that on a non-royal would look absolutely ridiculous…

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 …but on a royal just looks kinda ridiculous. 

5. A family “CREST” befitting your present royal status.

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Absolutely essential for your front doormat, and by jove it looks swell on cocktail napkins.  

6. A Frenchie Locator App for your phone.

filippo-991912_1920Helpful to locate these cute little royal princess mascots anytime, anywhere, so you can pet them. 

7. Proper rain boots for those more formal occasions. 

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 Sloshing about in muddy puddles with $2,000 pink peau de soi shoes on your tootsies is a total buzz kill. Trust me.

8. A crash course dedicated to international royal-speak.  

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A princess needs to be able to purr in a multitude of languages such phrases as, “I love your tie. Is that Hermes?”  Or, “My what an adorable infant. Do you do Baby Einstein?”  Or in the hotter realms, “Yikes! Are those mosquitoes or birds?”  It’s a “tall” order, but you’ll be glad you did.

9.  Claim a signature expensive French wine as your favorite and make sure to order it frequently. So when the waiter (inevitably) brings you freebies, he won’t “monkey around” with the cheap stuff. And you won’t have to water the nearest plant!

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What’s on your princess necessity list?  I’d love your comments!

TTFN,P!  (Ta ta for now, princess!)

XOXOXOXOX PRINCESS DIANE VON BRAINISFRIED

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Monday Princess Pun Day Woohoo! Why I’m All Keyed Up!

DEAR ROYAL FRIENDS,

If the days spent in your palace are anything like mine, there are constant festivities which include the use of musical instruments.  There’s absolutely no use for a palace without lots and lots of noise.  Of course the mainstay of musical instruments is the wooden-legged,  monolith called a piano.girl-711087_1280

Those of you familiar with this glorious instrument, know that there is a certain amount of diligent upkeep required to keep the piano on key. It is often exceedingly difficult and frustrating to find a trusted person to “perform” this task.  Well Hallelujah Chorus! I’ve finally found the solution to this dis-“concert”-ing  problem!  Get Yee to a Brooklyn fish market!                                                                                                      

You are probably wondering, “Princess Diane Von Brainisfried, why would I find someone to keep my piano on key at a Brooklyn fish market?”  Answer: Because there you will find your pick of “piano tunas!” 

Final “note”:  A finely tuned piano is one of the best motivators for working hard on your “scales.”

Happy Monday Princess Pun Day! hearts-673345_640 pixabay

PRINCESS DIANE  VON BRAINISFRIED

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Happy Princess Pun Day! Me? Ow!

Dear Royal Friends,

LE QUESTION: Why did the New York City apartment cat run away in fear to his friends living in the next door apartment (pond), when his owners declared they were going on a family vacation to the mountains and they intended to bring him along? kitty-curious-788534_640

LA REPONSE:   Because he went completely “quackers” when his owners told the kitty they were taking him on a  trip up to the “Cats-kill” Mountains!

HAPPY PRINCESS PUN DAY!

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PRINCESS DIANE VON BRAINISFRIED!

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Seven Princess-worthy Secrets to Comfort Yourself

My Dear Royal Friends, 

Here’s a little secret you might not know.  Even the happiest of happy princesses has bad hair days.  I don’t mean bad hair in the literal sense, as tiaras hide a myriad of sins, but days when she wants to hide under the blankees with her biggest, softest, fluffiest Pooh bear and not come out til tee-time.  

I can hear you all tittering, “She said poo, she said poo!” Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, I want to talk about what to do when your world gets a wee bit a’kilter. I don’t mean a’kilter in the Scottish sense, in which case you could  merely “skirt” the issues.

Let me proffer a couple of examples. Say some mega-rich sheik beat you to the last vacancy at the only stable suitable for your precious steed. Did I mention you’re currently boarding Trigger in your ground floor guest bedroom? Did I mention said bedroom has white marble floors? Did I mention said horse is glucose intolerant?

Perhaps that Rent-A-Runway dress that looked divine on your bestie, but on you the dress looks like a 20-pound sack for organic potatoes.  Did I mention you look like the potatoes? Did I mention you’re hoping Whole Foods sent it?  Did I mention, the party’s tonight? Did I mention you’re trying to impress your “ex?”  Did I mention you’re out of Xanax?  

This stuff can really send a princess to the royal bed chamber for cover. Neve fear. Here are SEVEN TRIED AND TRUE suggestions to help you comfort yourself when you’re having a royally bad hair day.

1. ALLOW YOURSELF A TEN MINUTE PITY PARTY 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

    2.  PIG OUT BUT RESPONSIBLY

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3. VISIT AN ANIMAL SHELTER & CONSIDER ADOPTING A PET

Photo Credit: Jug Jones via Compfight cc

Photo Credit: Jug Jones via Compfight cc

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


    4. CLEAN OUT THE CLOSETS & DONATE STUFF THAT DOESN’T FIT ANYONE ANYMORE 

 

 

 

 

 

5. READ ANY FAIRY TALE TO A CHILD EXCEPT BAMBI

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

6. BITE SOMETHING THAT WON’T BITE BACK

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7.   COOK A NEW RECIPE AND INVITE A FRIEND TO TRY IT

Photo Credit: quinn.anya via Compfight cc

Photo Credit: quinn.anya via Compfight cc

 

I hope these little tips  help you to debunk your funk!   I’d love to hear your ideas too!

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PRINCESS DIANE VON BRAINISFRIED!

“LIVE YOUR ROYALLY HAPPY LIFE!™”

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TOP 10 COOL, UP & COMING CHARITIES EVERY PRINCESS SHOULD SUPPORT

Dear Royal Friends,                                                                                 EVERYONE who’s anyone,  or at least someone who is anyone, has heard of charity balls such as THE MET GALA,  MOMA’S ARMORY GALA and THE TRIBECA BALL.  They are three of New York’s hottest charity shindigs. They’re what “insiders” call, “AVBD” (A Very Big Deal).  These are the charities that literally beat down doors to position la creme de la creme of society on their boards for support.  Why do you think my palace doors are made of iron? Exactly.

Despite their heavily pedigreed boards, famously “hot” charities such as these aren’t the only gala games in town.  There are numerous princess-worthy charities that are poised to be peppered with well-heeled civic-minded hob-nobbers that will be a perfect fit for a princess’s proud patronage! 

After much head-scratching (which is a bit tricky wearing a tiara), here is my list of TOP 10 COOL, UP & COMING 501C 3’s every princess should support.  These relatively obscure charities are  über cool.  If you want to be known as a leader in the princess pack, get on the band wagon now!  They are, in neither ascending nor descending order of importance:

 1. The New York Society For The Support of Orphaned Werewolves;

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https://pixabay.com/en/werewolf-ghost-halloween-kid-fun-151663/

2. The International Organization for the Abolishment of Abused Rodeo Clowns;

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https://pixabay.com/en/rodeo-cowboy-bull-riding-west-720779/

3. New Jersey Society for the Rehabilitation of Ubiquitous and Nondescript  Diners;

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https://pixabay.com/en/meal-diner-restaurant-762625/

 4. The New York League for the Aid of Anxious Frogs Or Toads Because No One Seems To Know The Difference; 
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5. The New York & LA Society for The Prevention of Fallen Cheek Implants;

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6. The International Organization for the Aid of Beauty Pageant Burn Out;

Photo Credit: Jeanne Masar via Compfight cc

Photo Credit: Jeanne Masar via Compfight cc

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

     7. The Urban League For The Abolition of Food Truck License Requirements;

Photo Credit: ricardodiaz11 via Compfight cc   Photo Credit: ricardodiaz11 via Compfight cc

8. International Middle Class Society In Support of The Legality of (Quality) Counterfeit Brand Name Luxury Goods; 

Photo Credit: pasukaru76 via Compfight cc Photo Credit: pasukaru76 via Compfight cc

9. American Patriotic League for the Abolition of Cheese and/or Vinegar on French Fries; and…..

 Photo Credit: Hen3k Hen3k via Compfight cc Photo Credit: Hen3k Hen3k via Compfight cc

10. Black Card Dining Society for the Prevention of Listing Lobsters on Menus Under Three Pounds.

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And there you have it!  Check in periodically for my newest list!

See you at the ball, princess!

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PRINCESS DIANE VON BRAINISFRIED!

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Woo hoo it’s princess pun day! – Princess Intelligence

“Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change.”                

                                — Stephen Hawking      

“Royal intelligence is the ability to adapt to change….

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… and spend it.”                                                                                

               — Princess Diane Von Brainisfried 

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PRINCESS DIANE VON BRAINISFRIED!

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“LIVE YOUR ROYAL LIFE!™” 

 

               

 

 

FINDING YOUR STATUE OF DAVID IN THE MARBLE

Dear Princess~

Did you know that the magnificent, breathtaking and awe-inspiring statue of David already existed beneath the giant chunk of marble, even before it was created?  According to Michelangelo, ”The sculpture is already complete within the marble block, before I start my work. It is already there. I just have to chisel away the superfluous material.” 

Photo Credit: Don Fulano via Compfight cc

Photo Credit: Don Fulano via Compfight cc

If you’ve been letting life blow you Hither and Thither (a place without GPS coordinates and really crappy cell reception), and you haven’t gotten a foothold into your big, bold dreams, or if you can’t find your big, bold dreams, rest assured that like an enormous marble slab,  there is greatness within you! Every princess (or prince) has her/his own, unique and very special brand of greatness.

As quoted in the golf movie,  The Legend Of Bagger Vance, “We all have an “authentic swing” inside of us but, “over time the world can rob us of that swing…it gets buried inside us under all our “wouldas and couldas and shouldas.”

The good news is, it’s never too late to begin your own excavation! Go digging for the precious buried treasure inside you! But how?

Here’s one way. Visualize what you would like your life to look like if money or time were no object. Writing a book of poems? Your memoirs? A visit to Paris with a working knowledge of French? Writing a blog about parenting? Get involved in a cause?  We are going for your essence here, because that’s the “stuff” of you that is most powerful. Your powerful stuffing.  You and the Thanksgiving turkey. Think of it like this: Is there something about you that is an itch that you’d finally like to scratch?  But how?  Here’s one solution:

Take one little step toward one of these goals by learning one aspect about how to go about doing it. Then learn one more aspect of doing it. Then another. Pretty soon you will have confidence to pick up the chisel and start excavating. If you have a friend who has some experience in the area of your interest, ask her to give you a little help. That’s what I did. My dear friend, Princess Karin, spent a few hours with me one day to help me get started on the “how to’s” of blogging; the rest is herstory.

Now that I’ve been writing a blog for a while, I’ve learned that there isn’t anything you can’t do when you’ve got Google at your fingertips 24/7. So even without a friend’s help, there are tons of tutorials on Youtube about even the most obscure topics.  Mead Hall Dancing?  Wig making in the Court of Louis XIV? Ancient royal underwear weaving? It’s like having your own private coach-in-a-box.

I still have much to learn about blogging, such as greater proficiency with Word Press and social media, and I encounter many frustrations. And I mean big ones. Last week I realized I lost more than 147 blog posts on my website. I had put them into trash, intending to make changes to them later, at which time I would “reactivate” them. Guess what? No can do. After thirty days….they go to blog post Elysian Fields.  Permanently. Yiiiiiiiiikes!  All that work, creative effort, and pearls of wisdom totally down the drain!  Like it or lump it, that comes with the territory.  So I sucked it up, and learned from it. Now I write everything in Word, then I dump it on the blog. 

But here’s the key. We make mistakes. We learn. And we learn some more. So what I want you to take away from this post, is that just because you don’t know how to do something from soup to nuts, or in an expert way, don’t let it keep you from getting started on your dreams, or from scratching your itch!  Don’t keep your soul encased in marble just because you don’t know how to chisel, let alone create something as magnificent as  Michealangelo’s David. Just start chipping away to get down to your own unique, marvelous inner core, or you’ll never know what’s in there. And you’ll never liberate your true, marvelous, joyous potential.

And funny thing is, as I continued to write princess posts, more dreams were uncovered. I became inspired by an idea to start writing a book and seminars on happiness and positivity. That was all underneath my marble before I started chiseling, but I had no idea it was there. I uncovered these dreams only because I was willing to take the first steps into the unknown in the world of one dream.  One idea. One itch.

So please, princesses! I encourage you. Go learn a little bit in an area that intrigues you. Then learn a little bit more. Then just jump in and “do.” Chip away at your block of marble. We need you to uncover all aspects of the magnificent work of art that you truly are. This inner work of art of YOU is the root of your beauty, your enthusiasm, your happiness, your joy, your powerfully inspired and inspiring essence.

Just like the statue of David, when you manifest this powerful, glorious essence of YOU, you will not only enrich yourself, but you will enrich all of us in the kingdom!  

Let me know what you find!

XOXOXOXOX,

Princess Diane Von Brainisfried

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TOP 10 TIME-HONORED PRINCESS BEAUTY SECRETS

Dear Royal Friends, 

I love beauty secrets as much as the next princess.   Especially the time-honored ones. I mean, if they’re oft-repeated secrets, then they gotta be good, right? The difference between me and the next princess is, when it comes to my time-honored beauty secrets and advice, I’m chill and willing to spill!

Why am I divulging my time-honored beauty secrets when the others follow Queen-Mums-the-word?  Because as a newbie princess, I know how hard it is to suddenly have new beauty standards to live up to, while simultaneously being thrust into the public eye. Especially when that public eye has 20/20 vision.  

So hold on to your fascinators. Here, are….

PRINCESS DIANE VON BRAINISFRIED’S TOP TEN TIME-HONORED BEAUTY SECRETS FOR THE NEWBIE PRINCESS

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10. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.  Consider getting  some better-looking friends.

9. Your smile is your best asset. If it’s attached to a big mouth, not so much.

8. Put your best foot forward. Get a pedicure first.

7. Your eyes are the window of your soul.  On naughty days, keep the shades down.

6. Hats make hat head.  Wear a tiara.

5. Always wear sunscreen.  You’ll save yourself hundreds of wrinkles. The trick is to get rid of them after you’ve saved them. 

4. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. So don’t eat them.

3. Haste makes waste. So do prunes. Get a box. 

2. Add olive oil to your bath to make your skin soft. Add pasta  and you can multi-task your dinner.

1. Laugh your ass off.  You’ll never have to do another butt squat again.

TT4NP! (Ta Ta 4 Now, Princess!)

XOXOXOXOX PRINCESS DIANE VON BRAINISFRIED

“LIVE YOUR ROYAL LIFE!™”

Is the Humble Brag the new obnoxious self promotion ?

Dear Royal Friends,  

There was a time when humbleness and humility was a noble quality.  Those who resorted to bragging and tooting their own horns were viewed as tacky and obnoxious.  Does Queen Elizabeth get her “rocks” off by bragging about how many diamonds nestle in her diadem? The royal “we” think not. 

Enter the humble brag, a term credited to the late writer Harris Wittels, writer on the TV series “Parcs and Rec.” The humble brag is a brag bomb that’s tightly wrapped in humility like a corn husk tamale. You don’t know the quality of the inside mush until it gets unwrapped.

The humble brag, perforce wrapped in humility, can take you by surprise and leave you wondering whether the person just offered up  insider information on her soul, or slammed you with the goo of obnoxious self-promotion.  poses-1367416_1280

So, what’s the humble bragger’s deal?  I believe she is the person who longs to brag, but is too clever to let it all hang out, and soft enough to care about us liking her.   Thus, she throws the scent off the trail with a booby trap, commonly in the form of a preamble that smells like self-deprication.  But never fear — her musket is loaded.  Further down the road she will blow forth a big fat bombastic brag.

Here’s an example: “Can you believe how stupid I am? I can’t believe I blew the answer to that Jeopardy question.  I just don’t know how they let me into Harvard and I graduated Phi Beta Kappa in three years while I worked full time as a reporter for the Boston Globe.”  Here’s another fine example:  “I thought I looked like crap when I stepped off the plane in Monaco. It’s crazy that I got mobbed by reporters who thought I was Princess Caroline. I don’t know why that always happens to me.” 

If one deconstructs the humble brag, it’s pretty clear that the ammunition employed is the smokescreen of confusion.  She said she was stupid, didn’t she? She said she looked like crap, right?  Golly. I guess she’s can’t be bragging.  

So why should we care whether we can identify if someone is overtly bragging v. covertly humble bragging? I mean,  isn’t it true that all braggers are generally sprinkled with the sediment of insecurity, and thus, as princesses, we must have compassion and show tolerance toward them all, even as we turn up our noses in the stink of it? Yup.  But sitting through a covert bragging jag without throwing up is really, really hard to do. So maybe if we can identify a person as a humble bragger, and not a true high-flying bragger, compassion might be a little easier to find. 

Whereas the obnoxious overt bragger wants to be loved but doesn’t seem to give a crap whom he or she offends, the covert humble bragger is a different animal. These folks seriously want to brag, but they still give it the ole’ college try in trying to be decent about it.  They pray you don’t find the bragging stone under the smooth green softening moss of their alleged self-deprecation. We should give them credit for that.  Does that mean they still can be really likable? Yeah. I think so.

Humble bragging may be the new obnoxious brag, but in the hierarchy of obnoxiousness, it ain’t on the highest rung.  And, perhaps one day, you may have something you are really really proud of, you feel yourself busting at the seams, and you’re pretty sure it’s not gas.   You might find humble bragging is your best shot at letting it out — and still keeping your friends.

                                                                          XOXOXOXO                                                           PRINCESS DIANE VON BRAINISFRIED

“LIVE YOUR ROYALLY HAPPY, RADICALLY FULFILLED, PRINCESS-WORTHY LIFE!™”