How to give a million-dollar holiday gift for free

Dear Royal Friends,

This holiday season, wanna know how to take something worth more than a million dollars, not pay a dime for it, and give it to more than a million people? 

The next time you are:

…in back of a mile-long line in your neighborhood’s shrine to organic food, sweating up a storm in your sub-zero rated down parka, and the cashier (along with her customers) is angrier than a swarm of hornets and slower than a herd of turtles — when it’s finally your turn to pay, you…..;  

or the next time you are:

…in a high falutin’ boutique and make a beeline for the sales rack, ask the snobby sales associate the price of those diamond-studded cowboy boots, and you get the obnoxious “eye roll”  and invisible quote bubble popping out of her perfectly coiffed head that reads, “if you have to ask you can’t afford it,” you….;

or the next time you are:

…walking down the street and a sad stranger catches your eye, you… smile.

And because of you, the cashier snaps out of her funk, smiles back, and passes it on.  And because of you, the snobby sales associate snaps out of her cloud, smiles back, and passes it on. And because of you, the sad stranger decides not to take all those pills, goes home and hugs her mom. And passes it on.

The butterfly flaps its wings in New York. The breeze is felt in Paris. And the world says, “Thank you!”




                       Live your royally happy life!




Seven Little Known Secrets For Coping With Fear, Anxiety, & Worry

Dear Royal Friends,

Life has a way of scaring the living crap out of us. Sometimes it’s self-inflicted, like when we ruminate in the Trifecta of Troublesome Thoughts (Fear, Worry & Anxiety).  Sometimes we blow up a small problem bigger than Puff The Magic Dragon — the old ‘Mountains out of Molehills thing. Sometimes the goblins are totally real…like the passionate frog you kissed (etc.) and thought was Prince Charming, turned out to be a run-of-the-pond “horny” toad. Literally. 

"When Prince Charming turns out to be Pond Scum.'

“When Prince Charming turns out to be Pond Scum.’

I may be a princess pundit of positivity, but I’m not immune from getting into a tizzy by life’s slings and arrows.  But I do have a rather large bag of tricks up my princess puffy sleeves to deal with them.  I’ve accumulated an arsenal of handy dandy worry circuit breakers which I keep readily available in my “Coping” Cabana drawer located on the left side of my brain.  In the bag are thoughts and exercises that calm my mind when it’s twirling around, as the Queen Mum says, “like a fart in beet soup.”  Or maybe someone’s bubbe said that. 

Here are seven excellent coping tricks I use that are quite unusual, but incredibly effective:

1.  Remember you have to learn how to comfort yourself, then visualize being in two big hands full of light. – Fanny Trueherz;

2. Say to yourself, “Let go, be loving, and let the divine swirl move you.”  – Princess Diane Von Brainsfried;

3. Calming breath exercise: “Smell the flowers, blow out the candles.”  Technique: Breathe in slowly through your nose on “smell the flowers,” breathe out more quickly through your mouth on “blow out the candles.”   – Intensive Care Unit at Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital in New Brunswick, NJ;

4. Say to yourself, “Leave the thinking to the horses; they’ve got bigger heads”  – Fanny Trueherz;

5. Become like a chiropractor of your brain and make an attitude adjustment – Princess Diane Von Brainisfried

6.  Say to yourself, “It’s all mind over matter. I don’t mind, and it don’t matter.” – my dad, Dr. Irving Young;

7. LAUGH. Find some funny videos on Youtube or Facebook, or watch a funny movie.  “The World is full of horrible things that will eventually get you and everything you care about. Laughter is a universal way to lift your head up and say: ‘Not today, you bastards!'” – Anthony Jeselnik  

I invite you to get yourself a big ole’ Bag o’ Coping Tricks too. Steal these from me with my blessing.  Store your bag wherever you like, but keep it handy dandy. And yes, we have to learn how to comfort ourselves, but that doesn’t mean we can’t get a little help from our royal friends.  I’m here for you.  

Bisous et tra la la,


Princess Diane Von Brainisfried 


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Dear Royal Friends, 

If you’re a newbie princess like I am, it’s a little hard to get up to snuff.  I’ve had to do a lot of catching up in a short time, not only to fulfill my royal duties, but also to learn to live life the way a royal princess oughta. One of my self-appointed duties is to help other newbie princesses learn the (purple velvet) ropes of princess life.  In order to do that, I make lists of this stuff. 

Here’s my latest list. It’s not organized in any particular order, because neither is my brain. 

1. A comprehensive guide to the most elegant and princess-worthy public pit stops in your kingdom — in case you need that throne away from home on your royal tours.


The above is the glamorous entrance to New York City’s Waldorf Astoria’s ladies’ inner sanctum on the main floor.   

2. An auditorium-sized walk-in closet for your tiara collection.


Make sure it has theater-quality lighting.   

3. A signature perfume created by a famous “nose” just for you, with the perfect blend of evocative notes to reflect your sweetness and your refinement, as well as your bold essence. Make sure there’s not even a hint of mousiness. 











4. An hat that on a non-royal would look absolutely ridiculous…


















 …but on a royal just looks kinda ridiculous. 

5. A family “CREST” befitting your present royal status.



Absolutely essential for your front doormat, and by jove it looks swell on cocktail napkins.  

6. A Frenchie Locator App for your phone.

filippo-991912_1920Helpful to locate these cute little royal princess mascots anytime, anywhere, so you can pet them. 

7. Proper rain boots for those more formal occasions. 




 Sloshing about in muddy puddles with $2,000 pink peau de soi shoes on your tootsies is a total buzz kill. Trust me.

8. A crash course dedicated to international royal-speak.  


A princess needs to be able to purr in a multitude of languages such phrases as, “I love your tie. Is that Hermes?”  Or, “My what an adorable infant. Do you do Baby Einstein?”  Or in the hotter realms, “Yikes! Are those mosquitoes or birds?”  It’s a “tall” order, but you’ll be glad you did.

9.  Claim a signature expensive French wine as your favorite and make sure to order it frequently. So when the waiter (inevitably) brings you freebies, he won’t “monkey around” with the cheap stuff. And you won’t have to water the nearest plant!









What’s on your princess necessity list?  I’d love your comments!

TTFN,P!  (Ta ta for now, princess!)


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WOOHOO IT’S PRINCESS PUN DAY – astronomer princesses

Dear Royal Friends, 

For all you astronomer princesses out there who may have had a craving for adventure, and you braved the elements to follow that craving, traveling far and way outside your comfort zone to that lone place in the universe called “Mars,” we here at Princess Diane Von Brainisfried understand that you were compelled to do what you needed to do. Don’t feel guilty for taking yourself away from the world for a respite, for the comfort of solitude. Know that you are not “nuts.” Some things just need to be done, and you need to do them.  And, like mountains that we climb merely because they are there, we understand that you astronomer princesses sometimes go to Mars merely because it is there.  Do not beat yourself up. You will come back to earthly reality in your own time. We know, at the end of the day and when all is said and done,  your journey was long and it was hard, but whatever else it was, it was  nothing to be “Snickered” at.


signature xoxox-673345_640 pixabay




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Dear Princess~

Did you know that the magnificent, breathtaking and awe-inspiring statue of David already existed beneath the giant chunk of marble, even before it was created?  According to Michelangelo, ”The sculpture is already complete within the marble block, before I start my work. It is already there. I just have to chisel away the superfluous material.” 

Photo Credit: Don Fulano via Compfight cc

Photo Credit: Don Fulano via Compfight cc

If you’ve been letting life blow you Hither and Thither (a place without GPS coordinates and really crappy cell reception), and you haven’t gotten a foothold into your big, bold dreams, or if you can’t find your big, bold dreams, rest assured that like an enormous marble slab,  there is greatness within you! Every princess (or prince) has her/his own, unique and very special brand of greatness.

As quoted in the golf movie,  The Legend Of Bagger Vance, “We all have an “authentic swing” inside of us but, “over time the world can rob us of that swing…it gets buried inside us under all our “wouldas and couldas and shouldas.”

The good news is, it’s never too late to begin your own excavation! Go digging for the precious buried treasure inside you! But how?

Here’s one way. Visualize what you would like your life to look like if money or time were no object. Writing a book of poems? Your memoirs? A visit to Paris with a working knowledge of French? Writing a blog about parenting? Get involved in a cause?  We are going for your essence here, because that’s the “stuff” of you that is most powerful. Your powerful stuffing.  You and the Thanksgiving turkey. Think of it like this: Is there something about you that is an itch that you’d finally like to scratch?  But how?  Here’s one solution:

Take one little step toward one of these goals by learning one aspect about how to go about doing it. Then learn one more aspect of doing it. Then another. Pretty soon you will have confidence to pick up the chisel and start excavating. If you have a friend who has some experience in the area of your interest, ask her to give you a little help. That’s what I did. My dear friend, Princess Karin, spent a few hours with me one day to help me get started on the “how to’s” of blogging; the rest is herstory.

Now that I’ve been writing a blog for a while, I’ve learned that there isn’t anything you can’t do when you’ve got Google at your fingertips 24/7. So even without a friend’s help, there are tons of tutorials on Youtube about even the most obscure topics.  Mead Hall Dancing?  Wig making in the Court of Louis XIV? Ancient royal underwear weaving? It’s like having your own private coach-in-a-box.

I still have much to learn about blogging, such as greater proficiency with Word Press and social media, and I encounter many frustrations. And I mean big ones. Last week I realized I lost more than 147 blog posts on my website. I had put them into trash, intending to make changes to them later, at which time I would “reactivate” them. Guess what? No can do. After thirty days….they go to blog post Elysian Fields.  Permanently. Yiiiiiiiiikes!  All that work, creative effort, and pearls of wisdom totally down the drain!  Like it or lump it, that comes with the territory.  So I sucked it up, and learned from it. Now I write everything in Word, then I dump it on the blog. 

But here’s the key. We make mistakes. We learn. And we learn some more. So what I want you to take away from this post, is that just because you don’t know how to do something from soup to nuts, or in an expert way, don’t let it keep you from getting started on your dreams, or from scratching your itch!  Don’t keep your soul encased in marble just because you don’t know how to chisel, let alone create something as magnificent as  Michealangelo’s David. Just start chipping away to get down to your own unique, marvelous inner core, or you’ll never know what’s in there. And you’ll never liberate your true, marvelous, joyous potential.

And funny thing is, as I continued to write princess posts, more dreams were uncovered. I became inspired by an idea to start writing a book and seminars on happiness and positivity. That was all underneath my marble before I started chiseling, but I had no idea it was there. I uncovered these dreams only because I was willing to take the first steps into the unknown in the world of one dream.  One idea. One itch.

So please, princesses! I encourage you. Go learn a little bit in an area that intrigues you. Then learn a little bit more. Then just jump in and “do.” Chip away at your block of marble. We need you to uncover all aspects of the magnificent work of art that you truly are. This inner work of art of YOU is the root of your beauty, your enthusiasm, your happiness, your joy, your powerfully inspired and inspiring essence.

Just like the statue of David, when you manifest this powerful, glorious essence of YOU, you will not only enrich yourself, but you will enrich all of us in the kingdom!  

Let me know what you find!


Princess Diane Von Brainisfried

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I got FOSO real bad at Starbucks

Dear Royal Friends, 

You’ve heard of FOMO, right?  Fear Of Missing Out.  But have you heard of FOSO? I thought not. It’s as new as the hot foam mountain on top of a Starbucks Mochachino latte.  And that’s where it all started. Today, when I became, for the umpteenth time, like a deer in the headlights in front of the busy, competent, assembly-line-savvy-as-Ford barristo.

Because for me, ordering anything other than straight up coffee at Starbucks fills me with terror.  That’s right, I got FOSO, real bad.  What is FOSO? Fear Of Starbuck’s Ordering.

It’s not like I don’t have time to prepare. I usually find myself in a line in back of like, 10 people. And while everyone else is heads down buried in I-phone,  I’m all up in the Moment – practicing. I’m mumbling silently in my mind what I want to say when I’m face to face with my coffee destiny.  

You see, you have to say the right, special words, in the right, special order. It’s practically a law. You’re expected to know this, the way you’re expected to know the law. Ignorance of the Starbuck is no excuse.

In their defense, they want you to know the parlance and order because the cups are pre-marked with the special words and special check-off boxes.  The check-off boxes are in a special order. They put X’s in the boxes with big black markers.  And they don’t like to jump around.  So they’ve been training us to ask for everything right, in the right order.  Everybody else seems to get it right but me.  It just spews out of them effortlessly, smoothly, fluidly like the Pledge of Allegiance.  As if they learned it in Kindergarten. Or maybe even Nursery School. But I can’t seem to string the terms together right.   It’s like the coffee terms in my mind are rogue atoms that can’t stick together to make the right molecule. 

I may be dumb, but I ain’t stupid. I’ve been to law school, passed the bar, acted in a 2-person play for an hour and a half worth of memorized lines…and I simply cannot get the wording right when ordering coffee at Starbucks.

In my defense, some of the blame should be on the Buck. They have all these fab pre-fab names for special latte drinks, made with milk. There’s the rub. Once you order soy in the latte, all bets are off. There’s no handy dandy name for it. It’s not a “Skinny latte” any more, because a Skinny connotes milk. Skim milk. There’s no Skinny for soy.

But that’s where I get confused. When I get no sugar syrup, I think diet, and then I think “skinny.” So that’s the word that comes out of my mouth, even when I order soy. No sir.  If you want no sugar,  you have to say “sugar free.” Don’t think for one second you can get away with calling it skinny, just because you’re clever enough to order syrup without sugar.

So comes my turn. I turn my antlers to the barristo.  Here goes. “Okay, hi. So, I want a latte, please but with soy, not milk. I want the no sugar syrup, vanilla. Oh, yeah, coffee. Middle sized (code word: Grande, but that sound just so…big. How can I say Grande?) Extra hot, please. Low foam. No, not low foam, no foam.”  I giggle nervously, apologizing that his big black marker is flying all over the cup, inconveniently.  He has to concentrate. He asks my name. I tell him, adding an explanation for my ignorance. I  explain that I get like a deer in the headlights when I’m ordering at Starbucks..yadda yadda yadda.

His wrist is still flying all over the cup, marking it up with X’s that go out of order.  I bet I’ve given him carpel tunnel. I’m worried now he’s going to sue me. I don’t carry Worker’s Comp.  Am I negligent? Is this foreseeable?   He’s busy.   Oh no. He knows my name now. It’s on the cup. 

He instructs me how to order this drink next time. Good luck. I forgot the minute I walked past the Kind Bars at the counter.  I think next time I’ll just order a “small” coffee.  I know, I know. “Tall.”  But that just sounds so big.

Live Your Royal Life!™ 

TT4N! (ta ta 4 now!)





Dear Royal Friends, 

I love beauty secrets as much as the next princess.   Especially the time-honored ones. I mean, if they’re oft-repeated secrets, then they gotta be good, right? The difference between me and the next princess is, when it comes to my time-honored beauty secrets and advice, I’m chill and willing to spill!

Why am I divulging my time-honored beauty secrets when the others follow Queen-Mums-the-word?  Because as a newbie princess, I know how hard it is to suddenly have new beauty standards to live up to, while simultaneously being thrust into the public eye. Especially when that public eye has 20/20 vision.  

So hold on to your fascinators. Here, are….



10. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.  Consider getting  some better-looking friends.

9. Your smile is your best asset. If it’s attached to a big mouth, not so much.

8. Put your best foot forward. Get a pedicure first.

7. Your eyes are the window of your soul.  On naughty days, keep the shades down.

6. Hats make hat head.  Wear a tiara.

5. Always wear sunscreen.  You’ll save yourself hundreds of wrinkles. The trick is to get rid of them after you’ve saved them. 

4. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. So don’t eat them.

3. Haste makes waste. So do prunes. Get a box. 

2. Add olive oil to your bath to make your skin soft. Add pasta  and you can multi-task your dinner.

1. Laugh your ass off.  You’ll never have to do another butt squat again.

TT4NP! (Ta Ta 4 Now, Princess!)




Q: When did the French cheese maker….

Benjamin Rabier [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Benjamin Rabier [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

…… know when his cheese making was done for the day?  

And the royal answer is:

A: When he realized that it was a “feta” compli!                    






Dear Royal Friends,

Treasured wisdom says, “if you’ve forgotten the language of gratitude, you’ll never be on speaking terms with happiness.”  What better way to honor International Happiness Day, than by starting a DAILY GRATITUDE NOTEBOOK!  journal-431912_640

Start with five things you’re grateful for, then continue adding to the notebook on a daily basis. It’s so easy, even for the grumpiest monkeys among us.  There’s at least something you will be grateful for each day!   Include even teeny tiny gratitudes,  like a mysteriously disappeared hangnail.  (Okay, that’s not so tiny.)   Over time, you will be absolutely transformed!  Here’s why:

Research shows that focusing on gratitude is a KEY FACTOR in our ability to be in control of life’s Joy Stick.  (The pundits don’t put it that way, but what do they know.)  

Fore example, per the article  “The Neuroscience of Why Gratitude Makes Us Happier,”  by Ocean Robbins, several studies showed that the more grateful we are, the less depressed we are.  Researchers also found that people who journaled daily what they where grateful for “felt better about their lives as a whole,” and “were a full 25 percent happier” than the group of people in the study who journaled stuff that made them feel hassled.  25%? That’s a palace pant load happier! 

People studied also reported fewer health complaints, and exercised an average of 1.5 hours more.”  People who journaled what they were grateful for were healthier, slept better, and they actually become more do-goody to others!  Do-goody is a princess’s raison d’être!  

It all makes sense when you think about it.  You are what you eat, whether you’re fueling your body, your mind, or your soul. 

To make your journaling experience even more pleasurable, choose a notebook that is truly gawjuss, one that makes you smile and think of raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens.  Or big diamonds on (your) fingers. Check out these cool girl ones by high fashion artist to celebrities and designer  Emily Brickel.  Barnes and Nobles has some sweet ones too

I’ll go first.  I’ve been doing this Gratitude Gig for years, and I’ve got TONS to talk about.   

1. Family. 

2. Friends

3. Frenchies

4.  Morning French Roast coffee

5. Pink and white Peonies

That’s a good start, aye?

Oh yeah. Addendum. I’m truly grateful for YOU!  And you are definitely above #5. 




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PRINCESS PUN DAY! Hang On To Your Yoga Mats

IT’S PRINCESS PUN DAY! Hang on to your yoga mats…

QUESTION: How many gurus does one need to screw in a light bulb?!

ANSWER: None, because…they’re already enlightened! OR









…I don’t know. It depends on how heavy they are!!!





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