I love beauty secrets as much as the next princess. Especially the time-honored ones. I mean, if they’re oft-repeated secrets, then they gotta be good, right? The difference between me and the next princess is, when it comes to my time-honored beauty secrets and advice, I’m chill and willing to spill!
Why am I divulging my time-honored beauty secrets when the others follow Queen-Mums-the-word? Because as a newbie princess, I know how hard it is to suddenly have new beauty standards to live up to, while simultaneously being thrust into the public eye. Especially when that public eye has 20/20 vision.
So hold on to your fascinators. Here, are….
PRINCESS DIANE VON BRAINISFRIED’S TOP TEN TIME-HONORED BEAUTY SECRETS FOR THE NEWBIE PRINCESS
10. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Consider getting some better-looking friends.
9. Your smile is your best asset. If it’s attached to a big mouth, not so much.
8. Put your best foot forward. Get a pedicure first.
7. Your eyes are the window of your soul. On naughty days, keep the shades down.
6. Hats make hat head. Wear a tiara.
5. Always wear sunscreen. You’ll save yourself hundreds of wrinkles. The trick is to get rid of them after you’ve saved them.
4. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. So don’t eat them.
3. Haste makes waste. So do prunes. Get a box.
2. Add olive oil to your bath to make your skin soft. Add pasta and you can multi-task your dinner.
1. Laugh your ass off. You’ll never have to do another butt squat again.
TT4NP! (Ta Ta 4 Now, Princess!)
XOXOXOXOX PRINCESS DIANE VON BRAINISFRIED
“LIVE YOUR ROYAL LIFE!™”