Dear Royal Friends,
If you’re a newbie princess like I am, it’s a little hard to get up to snuff. I’ve had to do a lot of catching up in a short time, not only to fulfill my royal duties, but also to learn to live life the way a royal princess oughta. One of my self-appointed duties is to help other newbie princesses learn the (purple velvet) ropes of princess life. In order to do that, I make lists of this stuff.
Here’s my latest list. It’s not organized in any particular order, because neither is my brain.
1. A comprehensive guide to the most elegant and princess-worthy public pit stops in your kingdom — in case you need that throne away from home on your royal tours.
The above is the glamorous entrance to New York City’s Waldorf Astoria’s ladies’ inner sanctum on the main floor.
2. An auditorium-sized walk-in closet for your tiara collection.
Make sure it has theater-quality lighting.
3. A signature perfume created by a famous “nose” just for you, with the perfect blend of evocative notes to reflect your sweetness and your refinement, as well as your bold essence. Make sure there’s not even a hint of mousiness.
4. An hat that on a non-royal would look absolutely ridiculous…
…but on a royal just looks kinda ridiculous.
5. A family “CREST” befitting your present royal status.
Absolutely essential for your front doormat, and by jove it looks swell on cocktail napkins.
6. A Frenchie Locator App for your phone.
7. Proper rain boots for those more formal occasions.
Sloshing about in muddy puddles with $2,000 pink peau de soi shoes on your tootsies is a total buzz kill. Trust me.
8. A crash course dedicated to international royal-speak.
A princess needs to be able to purr in a multitude of languages such phrases as, “I love your tie. Is that Hermes?” Or, “My what an adorable infant. Do you do Baby Einstein?” Or in the hotter realms, “Yikes! Are those mosquitoes or birds?” It’s a “tall” order, but you’ll be glad you did.
9. Claim a signature expensive French wine as your favorite and make sure to order it frequently. So when the waiter (inevitably) brings you freebies, he won’t “monkey around” with the cheap stuff. And you won’t have to water the nearest plant!
What’s on your princess necessity list? I’d love your comments!
TTFN,P! (Ta ta for now, princess!)
XOXOXOXOX PRINCESS DIANE VON BRAINISFRIED
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